Have You Heard...

Have you heard... It's amazing how it only takes 3 little words to go from honorable to the bottom of the pile. What's at the heart of those 3 little words is gossip.

Gossip is an enemy of healthy masculinity, and it's all too common. We like to think it's a society women's sport, but very many a man participates. Whether the deliverer or receiver, participating in gossip is a dishonorable act.

Honor The Truth. First and foremost, when passing on a rumor or gossip, it's your responsibility as a honorable man to ensure it is the truth. Whether you heard a lie from another or not, if you say it, you are the man passing on a lie. In fact, even hearing it and not investigating it's truthfulness, is not Honoring the Truth.

Respect Confidentiality. The way information gets shared is of critical importance when dealing with any organization. When dealing with personal information, even more. When you pass on information, and you are not the appropriate person in the chain, you are disrespecting the chain and breaking confidentiality.

Commitment Before Ego. Ok, let's get to why most men gossip. When men don't have enough wins in their life, they look for whatever wins they can get. Being informed, for them is a win. They are willing to do the obviously dishonorable, simply to appear as informed and important. Often men will invent or embellish information to make it more dramatic, to boost how much in the know they are. Well, reality is, these men are not informed, don't have the appropriate rank to be informed, and are grasping at getting your attention like a child wanting a hug. Give them a hug, then kick their ass. If what they passed on is later found out to not be the truth, don't let them off the hook - go back and hold them accountable.

Fight Only Honorable Battles. This is the most harmful, and fortunately rare aspect of gossip. Some men, you know the type, use gossip as a weapon. They are the man who has been dumped and is talking about their ex, or a man who was fired talking about their old job, or the man taken out talking about their former role or organization. Generally, a man passing on information when they're likely not the one to know. When a man is emotionally unstable, they will use gossip to strike back at those who they think hurt them. They don't care whether it's truthful or not, they are only out to cause damage. Generally the reason these men were dumped, or taken out is because in an honorable battle, they would lose, and they know it. The type is a man full of bravado, pretends he's informed about everything, and wants to make sure you know it. When he finds an opportunity to strike, something not well understood or unclear, he fills the gap with his version which strikes a blow. These are the worst of dishonorable men. If you have the courage, patience and strength to try to lead a man like this out of the depth of their dishonor, I salute you. Otherwise, get them out of your life. If they can turn on others, they can turn on you.

As men committed to owning the masculine presence, ensuring men around us engage in healthy masculinity is our responsibility. Be the man hunting and destroying gossip where you see it, not the dishonorable man stroking his ego to pass it on. There are healthier ways to boost yourself up, and much more useful ways to communicate.

Together we can end this virus called gossip, and have our communication work.
Gary Menezes, 2018-09-30 | Posted in General